Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
