how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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