Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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