I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
