I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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