so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
