I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
