The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
