there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
