the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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