I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
