He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
