apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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