My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
