I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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