summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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