remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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