Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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