if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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