So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've blown a few things in my day
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
