Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i believe in u and ur pee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
