Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
