Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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