Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
