Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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