that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
love makes seman taste better
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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