o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
