final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
