Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i drank out of a bidet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
