you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
