she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
