my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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