Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
