Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
