Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
operation harelip BJ is a go
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.