Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch