Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?