i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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