Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha