Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
