Me too!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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