I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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