the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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