Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
