Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
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