Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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