I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
