dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
