from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
