I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
