Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
vagina is talking i cant
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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