Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
