Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
