Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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