He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
