im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
