Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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