I smell stomach acid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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