You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
