Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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