Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
