I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i barfeds in our rink
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
