Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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