so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
