I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
