dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
