What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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