i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
