I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
