i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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