dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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