all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
