I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just forgot I was standing up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
