Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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