she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
