I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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