I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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