You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
