Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
