yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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