So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
