My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
