I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I pour the whiskey from now on
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
